<<set $bean_head = 1>>\nYou rest a chili bean on the stranger's head.\n\n"Well," fidgets the stranger, "okay. That's okay. As long as it's not on the suit."\n\n[[Go to bathroom.|bathroom]]

You reminisce about that time in Idaho when you met that police horse.\n\nYour thoughts are interrupted by the gaping hole in the passenger cabin. Everything gets sucked out of the airplane: flight attendants, luggage, tubs of chili.\n\nAnd you.\n\n[[Flap arms|flaparms]]

You dial a number on your cell phone.\n\nThe cellular signal fries the airplane electronic systems.\n\nEverything explodes.\n\n[[Kaboom|start2]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $readbook = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou read nightmare passages of unspeakable non-euclidean horror. You vaguely understand that by reading this, you're plunging the world into darkness.\n\nYou exit the bathroom to find the airplane has ripped in half. A gaping hole sucks everything out of the passenger cabin.\n\nThe "return to seat" light blinks on.\n\n[[Return to seat|returnseat]]

You buckle up your seatbelt.\n\nA flight attendant is sucked out of the airplane.\n\n[[Call loved one on cell phone.|phonetalk]]

You wake up six miles above the earth.\n\n[[Oh my god.|lookplane]]

You flap your arms in an attempt to fly.\n\nIt doesn't work.\n\n[[Wake up.|start2]]

You pull out your cell phone. Some guy gets sucked out of the airplane.\n\nA flight attendant hangs on for dear life. The flight attendant yells over the 500 mile-per-hour winds:\n\n"EXCUSE ME, ALL PORTABLE ELECTRONIC DEVICES MUST BE TURNED OFF DURING THE FLIGHT."\n\n[["If this crashes the plane, me turning my phone on, so be it."|phonetalk2]]\n[["Oh. Okay, sorry."|nophone]]

You place a red kidney bean onto the stranger's sleeve.\n\n"You called down the thunder," says the stranger. "Prepare to reap the whirlwind."\n\nThe stranger's fingers ball up into a meaty fist.\n\n[[Duck.|punch]]\n[[Parry.|punch]]\n[[Roll.|punch]]\n[[Dodge.|punch]]

You eat more chili.\n\nSomething in you moves. It's a gentle stirring, where the shoulder meets the arm.\n\nIt's joy. Pure chili joy.\n\n[[Go to bathroom.|bathroom]]

You attempt to avoid the attack. Alas, you're not athletic.\n\nRegular exercise is something you've been thinking about for a while. The closest you've come to it was that one week in July. Your cousins came to visit and wanted to do something outdoorsy. It felt good to wipe the cobwebs off your bike and clack across the pier planks.\n\nThe stranger's fist smashes your face with the fury of a thousand suns. The passenger cabin rips in half.\n\n[[Buckle seatbelt.|seatbelt]]\n[[Reminisce more.|reminisce]]

You remember you're on an airplane.\n\nYou breathe a sigh of relief.\n\n[[Eat chili.|chili]]

[[Start|start2]]

<<if $readbook gte 1>>\nYou push against the 500 mile-per-hour winds and return to your seat.\n<<else>>\nYou return to your seat.\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $bean_head gte 1>>\nOn top of the stranger's head is a red kidney bean. The stranger's calm demeanor belies the fact a lot of effort is being made keeping the bean balanced there.\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $readbook gte 1>>\n[[Buckle seatbelt.|seatbelt]]\n[[Think about that horse.|reminisce]]\n<<else>>\n[[Go to bathroom.|bathroom]]\n<<endif>>

Airplane

You put your cell phone away. The plane lands safely.\n\n"See?" says the flight attendant. "That's what happens when you follow safety regulations. If more people were like you-"\n\nShe is interrupted when everything explodes.\n\n[[Kaboom|start2]]

Brendon Chung

You snack on your tub of chili.\n\n"Listen," says the stranger next to you.\n\n"If one drop of that chili gets onto my $4000 suit, I'm gonna fork up your face until you look like one of those wrinkly dogs."\n\n[[Eat more chili.|chilisnack]]\n[[Place one chili bean on stranger's sleeve.|chilisleeve]]\n[[Place one chili bean on stranger's head.|chilihead]]

You enter the airplane bathroom.\n\nSomeone has left a book here.\n\n[[Read book.|readbook]]\n[[Return to seat.|returnseat]]

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